Yours for the asking, no purchase necessary, it's our way of saying thank you. In fact, sometimes you get the impression that theyre the only ones who vote. The people are [bleeped out]. (154), Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. They want obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. Thats our history. They just care about having a comfortable place. Irony is "a state of affairs that is the reverse of what was to be expected; a result opposite to and in mockery of the appropriate result." 11. And don't you love the way these kind of people pervert the English language? I think these pipe-smokers oughta just move to the next level and go ahead and suck a dick. And the proof of it, the proof of it is, they don't even trust each other. That would make a "He-man" an "It-person." I think we need some new Christmas carols with a more modern approach. Help me find some shoes I really like. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. We are on a nice downward glide. You know, you, O Beautiful, for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, There are four hundred thousand words in the English language, and there are seven you can't say on television. And athletes, athletes got into uppers, college athletes. Its a fucking sacrilege! How about "Holy Christ, the Christmas Tree's on Fire"? This is the best we can do folks. But even after the egg is fertilized, it's still six or seven days before it reaches the uterus and pregnancy begins, and not every egg makes it that far. Just like homeless people. There are battered husbands. In the first place, white people got no business playing the blues ever at all under any circumstances ever, ever, ever! Dole kept saying "I'm a plain and honest man." Some people see things that are and ask, Why? And you know something? Those who decide what news you will or will not hear are paid by, and tolerated purely at the whim of, those who hold economic power. It's nice. And sometimes it rains. Rights aren't rights if someone can take them away. And do people really watch this shit? Heres some bumper stickers Id like to see: We are the proud parents of a child whose self esteem is sufficient that he doesnt need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car. We are the proud parents of a child who has resisted his teachers attempts to break his spirit and bend him to the will of his corporate masters. We have a daughter in public school who hasnt been knocked up yet. We have a son in public school who hasnt shot any of his classmates yet. There are over seventeen thousand golf courses in America, they average over one hundred and fifty acres a piece. We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. Must be another one of those "miracles.". A group of slave owners who wanted to be free! It is a coincidence. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_zwB6GLpo4&w=584&h=390]. Fascism won it. ""Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. Isn't that nice? It's what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. Or 'I brake for advanced melanoma'. "Pre-heated" is a meaningless fucking term! I have certain rules I live by. That's the whole purpose of recording; to do it beforehand! It's a shame everything has to have a label. Not me. But did you ever notice that we have no war on homelessness? And, by the way, theres nothing wrong with the planet in the first place. ""You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Now Darryl Stingley's son plays football, and if the son should become paralyzed while playing, it will not be ironic. I put a dollar in a change machine. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. Banana Republic ran out of khakis? A gynecologist who wants my wife to have three or four drinks before the examination. You dont see chickens hanging around in drug gangs, do you? The sword of god, the blood of the lamb, 'vengeance is mine'; millions of dead motherfuckers. So about 80 years after the Constitution is ratified, the slaves are freed. Its interested in its own power. You'll never see the black guys going, "Oh, golly! Next time you are at the computer, get on the Internet, go to Wikipedia. [] I look at war a little bit differently. The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centersbut if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Tell the judge the truth. Think of the intellect it must take to derive pleasure from this activity: Hitting a ball with a crooked stickand walking after it! His parents split up when he was an infant because his . Save the planet! They don't want to hear from you. You know why? It's interested in its own power, that's the only thing. That's the only thing. Second, I don't vote, because I firmly believe that. Who stole my collection of used bandages?! If black boxes survive air crashes why dont they make the whole plane out of that stuff? George Carlin, 55. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Bullshit is rampant. But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. George Carlin, 14. Stop that! Couldn't you just skip the praying part and go right to His Will? George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. Fine, but if it's God's will, and He's going to do what He wants to anyway, why the fuck bother praying in the first place? Unlike some other gods I could mention, I can actually see the sun. And complaining about the politicians. Christmas Quotes For Mothers To Make Her Day, These 10 Quotes About Best Friend Love Are Perfect For Showing Your True Colors, 118+ Inspiring Christmas Quotes For Instagram That Will Bring A Warm Glow To Your Holiday Season, Mourning Your Dogs Death With Quotes From Rainbow Bridge, 15+ Rumi Quotes On Happiness That Will Boost Your Mood, These Rumi Quotes About Depression Will Bring You Comfort. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. Where are these people hiding? You don't do all this moron stuff. People are fucking dumb. The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions. He was regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comics of all time. There are no innocent victims. By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. George Carlin, 10. Parents are full of shit, teachers are full of shit, clergymen are full of shit, and law enforcement people are fullofshit this entire country. The actual author of this quote is Roger J. Corless, from his book "The Vision of Buddhism: the Space Under the Tree". If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. Carlin dropped out of high school and was stationed in Barksdale Air Force Base in Bossier City, Louisiana in 1954 . Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. Couples whose children's names all start with the same initials. ' George Carlin, 56. The stand up comic was an artist who did more than articulate the public's subconscious; he. They wind up on sanitary napkins, and yet they are fertilized eggs. They want your fuckin' retirement money. He'd say, "I'm goin' upstairs and fuck your grandmother." Because chickens are decent people. Did you ever notice that, how many stupid people you run into during the day? By clicking Accept All Cookies, you agree to the storing of cookies on your device to enhance site navigation, analyze site usage, and assist in our marketing efforts. ""Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? Contents 1 Quotes 1.1 FM & AM (1972) When did this happen; that we passed chickens in goodness? Everywhere you go now, there's some dick, some yo-yo, some putz with a camcorder, and he is going to tapeEVERYTHING! Awfully sorry.. Doesnt happen. They're privileges. You know why? Now we're really going to get even: we're sending experts to show them how to run their economy. You realize that most of the right-to-lifers are in favor of the DEATH penalty? Keeping it and expanding it wherever possible. Pray for anything you want. Theyre all in favor of the unborn. We had great gifts, and we gave it all up for both money and God We gave it all up to superstition, primitive superstition, primitive shit Invisible man in the sky, looking down, keeping track of what we do, make sure we don't do the wrong thing, if we do, he puts us in hell, where we burn forever. You have owners. George Carlin, 84. If the parent corporation doesnt want you to know something, it wont be on the news. Let me arrive safely back at my hotel room. I started this website because I wanted to help people like you to maximize their potential and achieve their dreams. Now there is another phrase I dearly love. When else are you gonna record it, afterwards? '""I have solved this political dilemma in a very direct way: I don't vote. The planet will be here, and well be gone. (p. 237), Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Ephraim Zimbalist Jr. (243). "Land of the Free," "Home of the Brave," "The American Dream," "All men are equal," "Justice is blind," "The Press is free," "Your vote counts," "Business is honest," "The good guys win," "The police are on your side," "God is watching you," "Your standard of living will never decline" and "Everything is going to be just fine:" the official national bullshit story. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? The map is going to change and that's because -- people think nature is outside of them. BAM! The planet is fine. 11 Profound Quotes on Politics by George Carlin That's all we've ever had in this country, is a bill of temporary privileges. DBS MORNING SHOW & OBITUARIES 25TH APRIL 2023 APRIL 2023 - Facebook We cut education, in 50 years, well be so stack with idiots with shitty jobs that we wont have enough money to pay for defense! George Carlin, 85. Then you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day. Here's one for the ladies, "Nary-A-Carry"! The Zen Teachings of George Carlin, a Comedian Who Pointed the Way Judd Apatow and Michael Bonfiglio's new HBO documentary "George Carlin's American Dream" takes viewers on a tour through. 33. Selling is legal. The only story I know of where clouds are important was Noah's Ark! The poor are there just to scare the shit out of the middle class. Otherwise it doesn't really work, does it? Something I could really count on. Don't you love that phrase? We made the whole fucking thing up! Long time ago, God made a Divine Plan. Thats the problem. In many ways, the comedian has the ability to be the philosopher of our era, a social critic and theorist whose words have the ability to shape public thought. I'm a modern man, a man for the millennium, digital and smoke-free. (224), Many people work on war plans; not too many work on peace plans. Guy with a fuckin' pipe! Say, pardon me? (shoots gun) Im awfully sorry. 48. They own you. 1. Here's my problem with the Ten Commandments: why are there ten? Living in this country, you're bound to know, every time you're exposed to advertising, you realize once again that America's leading industry, America's most profitable business is still: the manufacture, packaging, distribution and marketing of bullshit. At least he's honest about being, Everybody knows by now, all businessmen are completely full of shit; just the worst kind of low-life, criminal, cocksuckers you could ever wanna' run into a fuckin' piece of shit businessman. George Carlin was one of the most iconic comedians of all time and he had a lot to say about government. I dont understand why prostitution is illegal. Doesn't anyone in this country stop and LOOK AT THINGS anymore? Then you're just what they're looking for. 13. Everything He ever makes dies., 9. They never mention that part to us, do they? George Carlin, 50. 'You give us a color, we'll wipe it out. They don't care about the planet in theory. Everybodys going to save something now. The upper class keeps all of the money, pays none of the taxes. Because they got a letter from a minister in Mississippi! Its a subconscious need to project the penis into other peoples affairs. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, 41. And immediately, I thought of the sun. And that's fine. You dont see a chicken strapping some guy to a chair and hooking up his nuts to a car battery, do you? The politicians are put there to give you the idea you have freedom of choice. People I can do without. There's something I like about the clitoris, but I can't quite put my finger on it. They don't want to hear from you. Well, not overnight, you can't see the sun at night. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. George Carlin, 49. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. Bullshit is everywhere. George Carlin is Back from the Dead to Haunt Trump in Devastating "The planet is fine. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac? Some people see the glass half full, others see it half empty. Most people with low self-esteem have earned it. George Carlin, 29. Weve added years to life, not life to years. George Carlin, 6. He was born May 12, 1937, in New York City into an Irish Catholic family, but he rejected the faith. Of all the things you can do, giving someone an orgasm is hardly the worst thing in the world. The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. They dont mention anything about cursing a lack of candles. So at best the sanctity of life is kind of a selective thing. There are over seventeen thousand golf courses in America. So maybe its not the politicians who suck; maybe its something else. They own you. They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. For twelve dollars. This entire country is completely full of shit, and, Clinton might be full of shit, but at least he lets ya know it! Dont look for it. But I said it with a smile. But no, Dorko in the plaid knickers is gonna hit it again, and walk some more. A crazy person will beat nine people to death with a steel dildo, but he'll be wearing a Bugs Bunny suit at the time. It doesnt only represent the good things. It's not intelligent to stand around with a controlled fire sticking out of your mouth.
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