Well, which one is it? #Comics #Comedy #Jokes #Reaction #RonWhite #HappyNewYear #2021Copyright Disclaimer under section 107 of the Copyright Act of 1976, allowance is made for fair use for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, education and research.Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. 'Citadel' Episode Guide: When Do New Episodes Premiere on Prime Video? Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up subtitles. And I would never go spend the night at anybodys house, cause I knew Id wet the bed and theyd find out I was a bed-wetter, and so far nobody really knew but my mom and my dad, and it was just my biggest secret. Maybe one day well be the big comics in Vegas, and our names will be on those big fucking signs. Youre just fucking just Some red lipstick on that nose, this would be hot as fuck. Im not gay. If You Quit Listening Ill Shut Up opens with soundbites from Whites previous specials, then we see him onstage, in a crisp suit, revealing to his fans how fame and fortune has changed him. Coming Soon. Natures most shitty critical thinkers. I dont need this shit. Young Queen Charlotte's marriage to King George of England sparks an epic love story and transforms high society in this "Bridgerton" universe prequel. Go see what it is. Wake up those fucking dogs you bought. Ill give you a second to get your arms around that. Fully-functioning organs are not necessary to watch Ron Whites new special, If You Quit Listening Ill Shut Up. I just told her the other day. So Ive just driven from Dallas to Sacramento to make $400. It happened a long time ago, which doesnt fucking matter. Great big, old big uns. [whistling] Im on break. And we go out that night, it was one of the funnest nights of my life, uh We had been friends for ten years, so we were young comics together, and thats whatwe used to talk about as young comics. #ProgrumPassword - Lil' B/Meatsauce vs. Gaard/Rosen | password | Lil' B And he had bunk beds in his room, and Joe Paines on the top bed, Danny Davis is on the lower bed, and Im on a sleeping bag on the floor, and I wet the fucking bed, and Im, like, mortified. I mean, I wet the bed all the fucking time and I just hated myself for it. But they keep hounding me till I say, Yeah, fuck it, lets go. But I didnt want her to go. From the big lip to the little lip, right over the clit, tuck in the meat curtains if you got em. And theres never anybody there. [whispering] Did you? Do you think I fucking heard it? 1,911, This story has been shared 1,802 times. Nobody wants to talk about it but me. That aint drunk at all. Ron White has his unique way to bring his jokes, with his heavy voice abused from years of cigars and alcohol he gets your immediate attention. 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Ron, wake up. A broom handle, a pool cue, a fucking plunger. Gag, woman, gag. How much is the personal massager shaped like a big black cock? Youre just spreading your ass cheeks, squatting into a tray of solution for a limited amount of time for a desired result. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (2018) Fuck it. Dont wake White up just yet. Any ideas? Anyway, it gets to be 5:30 in the morning. I go, I know its our first night in town but Im gonna go drinking with the boys, and she goes, [slurring] Fine, just leave me in a hotel room by myself? Im like, Youre starting to get it.. These places are packed to the fucking rafters at 2:30 in the afternoon, seven days a week. Members can play, pause and resume watching, all without commercials or commitments.Connect with Netflix Online:Visit Netflix WEBSITE: http://nflx.it/29BcWb5Like Netflix Kids on FACEBOOK: http://bit.ly/NetflixFamilyLike Netflix on FACEBOOK: http://bit.ly/29kkAtNFollow Netflix on TWITTER: http://bit.ly/29gswqdFollow Netflix on INSTAGRAM: http://bit.ly/29oO4UPFollow Netflix on TUMBLR: http://bit.ly/29kkemTRon White: If You Quit Listening Ill Shut Up | Stand-up Special Trailer [HD] | Netflix http://youtube.com/netflix Theyre watchdogs. Lets do a big shot of tequila, you snort some cocaine off my dick and fuck me right up the butt. And they march off to the bathroom and do exactly that, exactly then, and the reason they can is theres not a woman there to go, Well, thats morally wrong and bathrooms arent near clean enough to butt-fuck in. Oh, they beg to differ. Now Im not saying Ive never driven drunk, because Ive drank so much in my life, now on the back of my drivers license, theres a list of organs I need. I saw this on the news the other day. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up - IMDb And then the whole experience just started to creep me the fuck out. And then I was watching Godfather, I thought, Well, if instead of that horse head, they just had Chris Hemsworth with no shirt on. Watch Ron White only on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/in/title/80244900Follow NETFLIX IS A JOKE:Facebook: www.facebook.com/NetflixIsAJokeTwitter: www.twitter.com/NetflixIsAJokeInstagram: www.instagram.com/NetflixIsAJokeSUBSCRIBE: http://bit.ly/29qBUt7About Netflix:Netflix is the world's leading internet entertainment service with 130 million memberships in over 190 countries enjoying TV series, documentaries and feature films across a wide variety of genres and languages. It's Me, Margaret. Ron Tater Salad White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Im not trying to be an asshole, and I go, Really? You let me think, I went my whole life, that Id pissed in Joe Paines fucking bunk bed?, So my wife and I, we both tour extensively, and, uh she bought us two dogs, which, you know, just makes touring easier if you have a couple of dogs to drag with you on all those flights, and she bought us two French Bulldogs. Thats all they sell. Shut up, youre supposed to shut up. He wants to build a wall between the US and Mexico to keep out immigrants, and I wanted to build a net between the US and Canada to keep those fucking geese out of here. I dont know. Okay, heres mine: Just lunch, and a blowjob. Ron White: If You Quit Listening I'll Shut Up - YouTube My uncle was a Baptist preacher, and I was at his little white clapboard Baptist church in a little bitty town in Texas and I was sitting Vacation bible school. Im all over it, dude. If you dont know what they look like, it looks like a pug was raped by a fruit bat. Required fields are marked *. Fuck, I dont know. Is The Nurse On Netflix Based On A True Story? And Danny wakes up and he goes, I had a dream. Just laying there dead, cause it died somewhere? I appreciate that, and Im sorry you lost your dad. He goes, I was in love with you and Id see you on television, Id pretend you were my husband and wed go out to eat, and things like that. I went, Well, thats nice of you to say, I appreciate it, very nice to meet you. He goes, I had a picture of you I used to masturbate to. Which one? password | 846 views, 6 likes, 0 loves, 0 comments, 1 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from The Power Trip: Lil' B and Meatsauce take on Justin Gaard and. You got to quit eating them babies, maam. I fucking hate em. He goes, I want you to stand on one foot, raise the other foot No, bullshit. Im not a 21-year-old, puking cheap tequila through my nose. A chaotic intervention. After dedicating years of service at a matchmaking company, Arini tries to piece together her mysterious past and memories of a former client. The same week we were at the MGM Grand, they were at Caesars Palace, and that same weekend, Larry The Cable Guy was at the International House of Pancakes in Tucson, Arizona. The one I saw was called, Its Just Lunch, and what they do is they just hook people up, and they have lunch, broad daylight, right in the middle of the day. No, no, White proudly proclaims on his fifth stand-up comedy special, and first for Netflix, that at 61, hes a raging alcoholic.. Great big old, big old, big uns. This is what this DJ says to me: Ron Every time a celebrity calls our station, we always ask the same question: If you could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead, who would it be? And I said Living. And he tried to explain it to me. She was beautiful. Theyre not. Ill tell you this story. Not because they try to say something funny. Do I leave? They are. Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. I thought about being gay one time, and I changed my mind when it came my turn. Now I dont know if they have a color in mind when they start, or if you just bleach it and get whatever the fuck you get. Go behind the scenes of Netflix TV shows and movies, see what's coming soon and watch bonus videos on, Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (Teaser), Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (Trailer). This conversation got so goddamn out of hand. We decided to break it up, and Vegas will make you horny if you let it. It doesnt matter what it fucking looks like. I really do. Reunited as adults, two childhood friends fall madly in love and won't let anything not even death tear them apart, in this supernatural love story. Marvel Movies Ranked Worst to Best by Tomatometer, Jurassic Park Movies Ranked By Tomatometer, RT25: Celebrating 25 Years of Rotten Tomatoes, Weekend Box Office Results: Super Mario Joins the Billion-Dollar Club. Tap "Sign me up" below to receive our weekly newsletter And it was his goal for a lot of years to make me a famous comedian, and he truly sucks at it, cause it took him for fuckin ever. Id have said, Aint nobody gonna pay to watch fat midgets fuck fat midgets. Bullshit, theres a sequel. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up subtitles | 27 subtitles In the summer, I keep a bowl of limes right next to the salt shaker, and Ill just get a lime, squirt a little lime juice in there, little bit of salt, hunker down, do some pussy shots. Those were dudes? He brought one to Vegas last year, and I saw her by the swimming pool in a two-piece bathing suit, and I cant jack the fucking memory out of my goddamn skull. Looks like hes trying to get the taste out of his mouth. Get a dress the size of a fucking barn and come on back to the Golden Corral. [mooing] They call it Golden Corral, of course, because somebody was already using the name Ye Olde Fat Fuckery. After dedicating years of service at a matchmaking company, Arini tries to piece together her mysterious past and memories of a former client. He also tweets@thecomicscomicand podcasts half-hour episodes with comedians revealing origin stories:The Comics Comic Presents Last Things First. 5,093, This story has been shared 4,772 times. Im going to open a chain of restaurants that only sells baby goose pussy lip tacos. Not plump girls, not fat girls. Just below that it reads "Ticket Confirmation#:" followed by a 10-digit number. Rejuvenate your vagina. Go behind the scenes of Netflix TV shows and movies, see what's coming soon and watch bonus videos on, Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (Teaser), Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (Trailer). So I did my set, and Im out in the hallway talking to Joe Rogan and this guy comes up to me, in his early 30s, I would guess, very flamboyant, very nervous. And The Comedy Store in LA is a really pretty big place. Sean L. McCarthy works the comedy beat for his own digital newspaper,The Comics Comic; before that, for actual newspapers. She goes, Look, its just on the wrong channel. Click. In fact, if shes too clean, I salt her. Get married, dont get married. [distorted] Wagyu beef taste like boot leather. Ron White- If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (2018) Watch HD. Whats he doing? Always has been. Thats why. Youd think you can tell a mans mouth from a womans mouth, but you cannot. After his miner grandfather's death, Pancho travels with his wife and kids to his hometown, where chaos ensues with his relatives over the inheritance. Well, youre gifted. And I told this young guy, I said, Yeah, if I were you, Id go to a gay bar, let somebody fuck me in the ass and make goddamn sure Im not gay, cause it looks like theyre having more fun than anybody to me., It does too, cause we live right next to West Hollywood. Im like, Oh! And You Might Be A Redneck had been the number one-selling comedy album in the country for a year and a half. Thats all a cat has to do, is just, Pow! Theres so many dead cats on my street, it looks carpeted. Cause were scared to fucking death of geese. There are no featured reviews for Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up because the movie has not released yet (). I picked up the DVD, looked at the cover, it looked like somebodys trying to shove a pumpkin through a beach ball. The shit that should have never got said got said, it just spun into this big shit storm of fuck. You should have the person help you move all the shit out and then shoot him. Fuck no, you have not. Now, I wont drive drunk, but I will ride with somebody that cant blow a .08 and not fucking know it. Vaginal rejuvenation. Lets go to this thing. Okay. Unless one of them wet the bed. And as a 12-year-old, I make a conscious decision to piss on my friend to make me look better. Jeff sold more comedy albumsthan Richard Pryor and Bill Cosby combined. Your Ticket Confirmation # is located under the header in your email that reads "Your Ticket Reservation Details". Eat this baby goose pussy lip taco., Back in 1996, my dear friend Jeff Foxworthy became the biggest comedian that ever lived. Coming Soon, Regal Privacy Policy Charming. All right. You imagine how I think fucking now what Id do to you. Here's When It Returns With New Episodes, Drew Barrymore Halts Segment After "Severely Old" Mac and Cheese Noodle Flies off Her Desk: "It's Rock Hard". Or any. While TVs sitcom rednecks encountered cute culture clashes with their posh new neighbors, White regales us with how he has come to respect and almost admire the gay men in the West Hollywood bars near his home. You go anywhere in West Hollywood, theres these gigantic gay mens clubs with these huge patios. Theres an opening act that makes between 100 and 200 a week for nine shows, the feature act, which is what I was, makes between 400 and 500 bucks a week for nine shows, and a headliner who can make absolutely anything depending on who they are. Watch trailers & learn more. Id help you move it out, but Im bleeding. [bleating] I cant wait till they go hog-wild and just put a sugar lick right there in the middle of the fucking room. Im like, Theyre gonna know. Another service they offer at this spa is a thing called vaginal rejuvenation. Thats why. I go back up to the room and shes passed out, in this negligee, and shes fucking gorgeous. I think it brings out the flavor. It says, Please enjoy your feature film, but nothing comes on the television. Ahh! In this hour, White regales his audience with anecdotes about a young fan approaching him at The Comedy Store in Los Angeles, about how he lost his virginity at 18 over and over again to prostitutes, his offbeat presidential ambitions, and even how he tried to overcome his anxiety with bedwetting as a child. So unhappy, theyre willing to bleach it until it becomes a more desirable color. Television?. Im not gay, but I have these moments. Theyre gonna know Im a fucking bed-wetter. And it turns out, theyve been snipping the pussy lips off of baby ducks in Saudi Arabia for 1,500 years and just throwing them in a river, and the cook from the Four Seasons went there and saw this amazing waste of baby duck pussy lips, and just started thinking, you know, Fuck Tacos! PETA hates it. Numan1235cansunar2234comtr. Or if theres some paint chips and a tray of Smile Bright. No other fucking animal does this. I was mad when I first saw it. Im a joke writer from America. 2,003, This story has been shared 1,911 times. A young man's trip to attend a funeral and a wedding on the same day leads to a journey of self-discovery when he's captivated by a chance encounter. Somebody asked me to do this story. A young man's trip to attend a funeral and a wedding on the same day leads to a journey of self-discovery when he's captivated by a chance encounter. Get in the car. See how much funner it is to say? I dont mean to seem ungrateful, but I got shit to do, Jeff. By opting to have your ticket verified for this movie, you are allowing us to check the email address associated with your Rotten Tomatoes account against an email address associated with a Fandango ticket purchase for the same movie. CatherineBridget86886758. No sabemos si las ancdotas son ciertas o es todo parte de la rutina, pero sea como fuere, la balanza se inclina 3 a 0 a favor, razn por la cual tens que ver este especial ;)Hasta el prximo episodio Gracias por ver! There were porno movies everywhere, but the porno movie that caught my eye was called Fat Midgets Fucking Fat Midgets Two. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 | Maturity Rating: TV-MA | 1h 3m | Comedies Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. It happened ten years before, but I still had his office number in my phone, and my wife said I was a dick for doing this, but as soon as I found out he died, I called his office, I said, Id like to speak to John Mayhew, please. The lady goes, Im very sorry to tell you, but Mr. Mayhew passed away. I said, Okay, and I called her right back and said, Id like to speak to John Mayhew, please. She goes, I just told you, Mr. Mayhew passed away. I said, I know, I just like hearing you say it. My wifes like, Youre a dick. I said, Bullshit. Cinemark For Whites part, he revisits a story he once told on SiriusXM a few years ago during the Just For Laughs Comedy Festival, which is about the week he opened for another comedian at the Punchline in Sacramento. A military-trained assassin comes out of hiding to protect the daughter she's never met from ruthless criminals gunning for revenge. You cant fix stupid. Get the freshest reviews, news, and more delivered right to your inbox! Steals my sandwich. [inaudible] I want to start off this evening by telling you something about me you may not know. Put down that ketchup and drop that toddler. You dont have to kill the baby duck to get the pussy lips off of it. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up - Netflix I dont give a shit. Anyway I was a bed-wetter, and I was mortified by it. Hes lucky I dont know where hes buried. Remove Ads Cast Crew Details Genres Cast Ron White 63 mins More at IMDb TMDb Sign in to log, rate or review Share Ratings 1 fan 3.3 Probably a big glass of tea with a big slice of lemon. Big Jay Oakerson: DOG BELLY : otras recomendaciones - Pgina 10 Follow officers from a South Carolina sheriffs department as they urgently search for individuals who've disappeared under troubling circumstances. This is my new idea. Do not try that at home. I know this. Big old round uns, big old muumuu and 400-plus, great big old big uns. 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Britain's most talented young bakers wow judges with cakes, biscuits, breads and more in this kid-focused spinoff of "The Great British Baking Show.". It was juvenated, it became un-juvenated, it needs to be rejuvenated. But it turns out, theyre great watchdogs. Im a 61-year-old raging alcoholic, motherfucker. Or thats what it said in the deposition. and the By continuing, you agree to the Privacy Policy and If you can beat me at darts, you can take me to fucking jail, how about that? Traditionally in American comedy clubs, theres three acts. Thats why. [cheering and applause] Thats pretty slick. Terms and Policies Stream It Or Skip It: 'White House Plumbers' On HBO, A Comedic Take On The Bumbling Team Behind The Watergate Break-In, Stream It Or Skip It: Kiss, Kiss! on Netflix, a Polish Rom-Com With an Oogy Womanizer Protagonist. Thats the whole plan. Netflix Ron 'Tater Salad' White is bringing his classic story-telling style of standup special, 'If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up,' to Netflix this week, and he is surely going to get you laughing your guts off. Starring: Ron White Watch all you want. So Im all set up. Ive got go get a six-pack of beer and a frozen pizza. Dont you fucking do it. And he fucking did it! Since the Blue Collar Comedy Tour first started in 2000, Texas native Ron White has always stood apart from the other three stand-up comedians as the odd man in. Just enough to keep from bumping into shit. You ever seen a dead goose anywhere in your goddamn life? You ever notice nobody ever dies when you wish they would? But I know if I wake her up trying to have sex with her, shell hit me in the face with a bucket of nickels I just spotted on the nightstand. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 | Maturity Rating: TV-MA | 1h 3m | Comedies Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Three weeks ago, my wife and I went to New York City, and we went to a gay wedding, and it was a man marrying a woman, [laughing] but it was the gayest fucking thing Ive ever seen. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up Powered by Reelgood Since the Blue Collar Comedy Tour first started in 2000, Texas native Ron White has always stood apart from. Ill show you dick.. It follows Bert Kreischer as he spills on bodily emissions, being bullied by his kids and the end to his familys escape room outing. Cause I dont have the answer to a lot of lifes questions. Tasted strong. I ran, um I ran for president of the United States, and I dont think I won, because nobodys called and I quit watching television. Is 'Are You There God? Ron White-Radical Terrorist Canadian Geese Reaction: If You Quit Drunk driving. You think you know tender but you really dont. Nothing could make this better. I wish you would have told us that up front. I was the feature act at the Punchline Comedy Club in Sacramento, California. And you know why theyre having so much fun? Members can watch as much as they want, anytime, anywhere, on any internet-connected screen. Theres nothing you can do about it. Somebodys gotta drive. Joe Rogan with Ron White on Dane Cook, Carlos Mencia & Stealing Jokes From Comedians! Nobody in this fucking room would do it. I have no idea what Id do if I walked out and somebody was there, Id be like [yawning] [click] Oh, hey. And I think thats why they marry so many of them. Thanks for playing our game. My fucking life is over. Im in the road! Does a Z-pattern to get across. Bring it into the shop. Now, I think its a little strange that vaginal rejuvenation is fine, yet its illegal to roll back the odometer on your car. Ooh! But on the way, they must confront what it means to be different. I have no idea what color my asshole is. I left everything in my room, and I tell the guy, Listen, I got to go back to the hotel. Cause usually if a woman is that beautiful at 40 and never been married, either they give horrible head or theyre completely insane. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up - Rotten Tomatoes I have a back-up plan to curtail the goose population in America. Now Ive never walked in the doors of this place, and I dont know exactly what theyre up to, but apparently some people are really unhappy with the color of the old bunghole. Ill come back over and pay you. This is what he says: Well, those dont look like the socks of a man who would steal an egg. Yeah, they sure the fuck dont. Ron Tater Salad White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Its got three comedy clubs and Id just done a 15-minute set in the OR, which is the original room, but they call it the OR. Looked like somebody had stretched a rubber band over a gigantic hall of fucking Let me try that again. You went to one of my shows, you She let you! Thats it. And I was like, Goddamn, Ray! He said, Well, shes had three kids. Im like, What, for lunch? Thats delicious. I have sleep apnea, which keeps my wife awake. His jokes are cynical, full of satire and sarcasm and that's what makes it good. Montreals a gorgeous city, and the festivals are done in 20 venues all over the town, beautiful thing. You guys are amazing. I dont know how strong they were. If you tilt that a little bit, you can get it through that door. You look like you just ate a ghost pepper. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up And not the fuzzy sweater, lovable slurring kind of drunk uncle, either. Lets do a couple of blocks. In the wake of her prom scandal, Princess Margrethe longs for normalcy as she struggles to maintain her perfect facade while dealing with family drama. Ill get some money. Radical terrorist Canadian geese! Find out where to watch on Netflix, Prime, Hulu & 40+ others 4,772, This story has been shared 3,426 times. When my dog gets out of the yard, gets in the street, hes like, Oh fuck! Thank you very much. Viagra. Theyre like, Ooh, look at that one. Which one? Ron White-Radical Terrorist Canadian Geese Reaction: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 17,559 views Oct 4, 2020 138 Dislike Bad Badger 902 subscribers Mom reacts to the radical. And so, White closes by turning back time to talk about a weekend in December 1996, when White opened for Foxworthy in Las Vegas at the MGM Grand, while Engvall opened for Reba McEntire down the strip at Caesars Palace. All rights reserved. 5,838, This story has been shared 5,093 times. Watch Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up | Netflix Official Thats something we dreamed about and it fucking happened. I ordered the movie. I just think Chris Hemsworths the best-looking motherfucker. 'If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up': Ron White's Netflix special I would have missed the boat if I was in the porno business right there. RT25: Celebrating 25 years of Rotten Tomatoes. Where is Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up streaming? And thats about a 45-second task with me at 18 years old. All rights reserved. I let 150 dudes suck my dick? Well, that same year my dear friend Bill Engvall, the dancer People ask me all the time, Do you think youll ever do Dancing With The Stars? Im like, Not unless something goes horribly fucking wrong., Well, that year, Bill was touring with Reba McEntire.